The Punsultancy

At the Norske Nook in Osseo, WI, you can season your food with a pleasing flavor:

With the resurgence of the Swine Flu, I feel it is once again relevant to share the Twitter Pun Storm:

The following puns were made one morning on the popular social networking website Twitter.com.

I was inspired by the depth of pun material in the term “Swine Flu” that I produced the following:

@punsultant @doughamlin *cough* *cough* *swirl* *smell* *sip* #wineflu

@punsultant @doniree @doughamlin or, you know, *cough* *cough* *pickles!* #brineflue

@punsultant *oink* *oink* *smoke* *smoke* #swineflue

@punsultant George Bush was a great president! #swineflew

@punsultant *cough* *cough* *forest* #pineflu

@punsultant @doniree my back is coughing! #spineflu

@punsultant I stepped on this device and all of the sudden I started coughing #mineflu

@punsultant I think my fork is sick. #tineflu

@punsultant as I’ve been waiting here at the bank I’ve developed a cough and a fever. #lineflue

@punsultant OR my cough and fever only exist between two points #lineflu

@punsultant I am sick as an objectivist. #aynflu

@punsultant @MHMorgan if I do work I might get #tryin’flu.

@punsultant your lady doctor is sick #gyn’flu

@punsultant I am sick, but only when I’m lying on my back #supineflu

Which, in turn, inspired many others to make Swine Flu puns of their own:

@maxsparber Argh, I be struggling to catch me breath in the salty deep! #brineflu

@maxsparber @punsultant Funny, I had the same experience waiting to get pork in England #swinequeue

@eigenman @punsultant @zwjohnson I feel awful with this illness… I think I’m going to go lie on my back #supineflu

@eigenman @punsultant fuck I must have missed it while I was sacking Halicarnassus #rapineflu

@eigenman @julielyda @punsultant @zwjohnson but I do so enjoy upsetting you Julie! #malignflu command it in #()flu form and I’ll stop

@eigenman @punsultant @zwjohnson MUCH better #anodineflu

@briannepitt @doniree @punsultant *sniffle* I can’t even afford medication… #declinedflu

@doniree @punsultant @briannepitt *cough* *cough* *moooooooo* #bovineflu

@briannepitt @doniree @punsultant “Bueller… Bueller…” #Steinflu3

@doniree @punsultant @briannepitt *cough* *cough* *meow* *purr* #felineflu

@briannepitt @punsultant *cough* *grumble* *gripe* *sneeze* *exaggerated sigh* #whineflu

@doniree @punsultant I’m a poet and didn’t know it #rhymeflu

@zwjohnson @punsultant it’s not your fork, it’s your food! #dineflu

@chessie @punsultant i got sick because i returned my library books late #fineflu ?

@zwjohnson @eigenman @punsultant I actually feel pretty good #fineflu

@doniree @punsultant *cough* *cough* *river* *europe* #rhineflu

@eigenman @punsultant oh JESUS my hypothalamus just threw up #endocrineflu

I’m sure some swine flu puns have slipped through the cracks. Although, I’m sure you’re already pretty full up on your swine flu pun quota for today.

From my good friend Adam, I present to you what he doodled in a boring meeting:

And one more physics puns for today. Here’s one I read on a plaque in a high school one time:

Resistance: it starts at ohm.

Keeping with an atomic pun theme today, I present to you a pun my friend Derek shared with me.

One atom says to another, “Dude, I think I just lost an electron!” The other atom responds, “What? Are you sure?!” To which the first atom says, “Yeah, man, I’m positive!”

I’ve been telling this joke to every science major I know for the past week. I came across it on the Twitter joke feed @ComicTwit, which is a pretty good source for puns.

A neutron went into a bar and asked the bartender, “How much for a beer? “The bartender replied, “For you, no charge.”

www.toothpastefordinner.com

Some day, I will have this level of dedication. Someone searched high and low to come up with 50 examples of stores with some wonderfully punny names: The 50 Best Pun Stores.

The Punsultant’s Choices of this lot are:

1. Marquis de Salade.
2. Planet of the Grapes
3. Cane and Able
4. Nin/Com/Soup

Of course, the best local example from the Twin Cities is the legendary karaoke bar and frequent Punsultant hangout, U Otter Stop Inn.

I did a search for “classic puns” on Google, and the first hit was a gather.com page featuring a list of puns. Most notably:

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

As is common with the internet, many of the jokes here are called puns but aren’t actually puns. (For example: “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “Well, It’s Not Unusual.” A good joke, but not a pun.)

BUT, regardless, a quality list with some classic groaners.